During the past day or two the identities of the mysterious “Sky Sources” have been uncovered – in a café in Wigan. “Sky Sources” are usually the origin of any story Sky aren’t 100% sure about but want to be the first to report just in case, in true glorified tabloid fashion. It has recently been leaked that these sources consist of Dave Whelan.
Whelan has excelled in his role of late, appearing regularly on Sky Sports’ 24 hour advertisement channel, otherwise known as Sky Sports News, as a primary source for many of the breaking stories of the day. He has kept close tabs on Roberto Martinez, who he affectionately calls “Roberto”, as Liverpool’s owners interrupt the Spaniards holiday in America by interviewing him for the poisoned chalice that is the Liverpool FC Head Coach of a Few Players in the First Team role.
The straight talking Wiganer has upset many Liverpool fans who don’t want their dirty laundry aired in public, but the same fans have also asked for more transparency from their own set of owners so Whelan thinks he’s doing them a favour. However, his insight into the Liverpool’s recruitment procedure has been thoroughly investigated, and was eventually attributed to the red top newspapers he read whilst waiting at the local cafe for steak pie and chips, twice.
Having written down FSGs managerial short list whilst letting the food go down, he turned his attention further along the M62 to Manchester United, where he conjured up a story about Sir Alex Ferguson’s career plans. After a short brainstorming session conducted on a sandwich board with valuable input from the rest of the café’s clientèle, he had gathered enough exclusive information to keep Sky Sports News going for at least four months.
As well as the revelation that “Sky Sources” originate from a café in Wigan, Soccer Football’s own sources can exclusively reveal that Whelan has applied for Jim White’s job on Sky Sports News, and that he proposes the channel be renamed, Dave Whelan.
Here’s Whelan’s latest exclusive – a photo he took of Roberto Martinez and John Henry in Miami (or one he got Gladys from the café to whip up on Photoshop, using her internet computer).